How do you relate to your desires?
Do you believe that what you deep down desire is possible for you to experience? Or do you more often than not, suppress what you want, as you look at the situation, circumstances, people involved and deem that it’s not possible anyway?
I know too well that feeling and though I know I have grown and expanded a lot in the past few years, I have seen myself in the past weeks repeated times feeling that what I actually desire is too much asked from these persons, in these particular circumstances.
A couple of these occurrences happened as I was in a week training retreat where in one occasion when we were invited to step into the group to ask for something we’d like, I sat there not really feeling what I would ask when another woman shared her wish. And when asked which of the two persons she had asked she would choose, she said as it was: she didn’t want to choose but have this moment with both. As I witnessed her, I could feel how she was modeling for me the possibility and the goodness of desiring and asking for as much as she actually did. Her wish could have been mine and I felt how I wouldn’t have dared to do it, ashamed of wanting so much attention.
And here I saw it demonstrated that there was actually no shame and that her wish was well received.
Life is coming back and showing me, that the most rewarding way is to vulnerably ask for what you want. And that by doing so, you go from 100% certainty to not receive to a chance to do so.
Can you relate to that? Have you ever felt you are wanting too much?
My mother used to say to me as I grew up “You want so much, Olivia”. And this voice translated as an internal judge making a point to prevent me from experiencing the pain of hearing someone’s rejection of my desire.
This strategy served me well as a child. Today it just prevents me from receiving and thriving.
The Universe is serving me with repeated occasions to ask, step out of my comfort zone, give myself a chance to get what I want, instead of denying myself what I want.
Although it is a frustrating place to be when the awareness has risen enough to get aware just shortly after an opportunity to ask for what I want, it is also a great step. And with my growing frustration, grows my motivation and my courage to make new decisions.
When beginning 2020 I discovered the channellings of Abraham Hicks- it struck me that I never looked at life from the lens that what I desire is valid if for nothing else than to set me into motion to discover the deeper layer and that it’s the moving to close the gap that is delightful more than a final goal. Because there will be always more.
The journey of trusting that “my preferences matter” takes time and is a muscle to grow and exercise and it continues over time, from one area of life to another, of realizing that if it’s true here, it is also there.
It a healing journey where our wounded inner child needs our parenting to tell her “I know you are scared, that you have been hurt but I got you”.
Do you trust the goodness of your desires?
What can you do to take a risk to receive?
What are the costs of staying small and safe?