Celebrate each step… Anyway!

Highs and lows. Do you ever feel you’ll never really reach the mark? That the deeds of one day don’t seem to prevent you to fall again?

  • Law of more Life
  • Self-Love
  • What you focus on grows

“The more you are, the more you can become, and the more you can become, the more you can yet be.” 

― Neale Donald Walsch, The Complete Conversations with God

Highs and lows. Do you ever feel you’ll never really reach the mark? That the deeds of one day don’t seem to prevent you to fall again? 

How can we look at these steps back and forth? 

About a month ago, I just had such an experience. I had just begun to get back in a flow of enjoying meeting people around where I live after many weeks of isolation. Even though Sweden has never been in full lockdown as many other parts of the world, there has been restrictions and I chose to stay more home in response to all that was going on.

So when I got invited by someone I met a couple of years ago for a diner, it felt really joyful to socialize more. We had diner and later in the evening the tone shifted from the trivial conversation to sexual advances.

Rather than obeying the cautious convention to deflect the advances, I stayed wondering what degree of intimacy I actually wanted with this person. At some point I felt a freeze – thoughts of what I want to express, more and more pressing inside my head that I can’t voice- while feeling contradictory feelings. I then remembered that I can step back and from a bit more distance, feel myself more and express what is going on for me. 

So I did, and could communicate again. A positive step towards how I want to connect to others: In my sovereignty and ability to speak my truth.

The exchange continued and I experienced with delight moments of unconventional exploration of what is really true to me in the moment, exercising to share in the moment my observations and what I was open for or not. The delight was in the awareness that I was meeting this person from a sovereign place where my own yes and no where guiding me rather than the conditioning and societal rules and norms. I was completely out of charted territory and it felt really good.

As the evening when further, I needed to interrupt the interaction and went home. I knew he got surprised by the abrupt ending, but I chose to follow my intuition and body wisdom.

At home, as I looked back at the unfolding of the evening, I felt the wonder and awe of these moments of daring to step outside the lines and connect to my truth and desires and communicate that vulnerably, authentically in the moment. These steps were so welcome!

Later next day, the person came back to me wanting to hear some explanation on what happened. I first felt my joy of these for me amazing steps, but soon felt insecure to share this unconventional truth on how I enjoyed coming to my clarity the way I did. I felt the freeze come back, the scared part of me arising when my truth feels potentially dissonant with the other person’s feelings. As he left before I managed to find my ground and courage to share, this felt like a huge hurtful setback.

Gone was my joy, my pride. I just felt how hard I had fallen “again”.

A conversation with my coach cued me back to consider the victory, the steps, moments of sovereignty and authentic relating rather than focusing on the downfall later.

It took me one more week and a conversation with a friend to see the parallel of that story and what she described as her habit of beating herself to not know better yet though she was also aware that she was in a learning process.

At this moment it was so obvious: of course the steps that the toddler is taking are what deserves our celebration and attention – whether it’s one, two, or three before he falls again  or more. The baby is taking the steps, managing them for the first time, progressing, getting up again and again until some day he masters going on his own two feet.

It wouldn’t occur to me to shout or scorn to a baby and tell her “See you fell again! You’re really worthless. You should know better by now”

From that moment I could clearly see that it was exactly the same for that incident – magnificent steps in relationship mastery to rejoice in – rather than taking score on the next misstep.

Celebrate each step – see the beauty – acknowledge the progress, remembering that mastery comes with repetition, implying many missteps along the road, none of them diminishing the value and validity of all the steps taken.

“I haven’t failed — I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison

Let go of beating yourself up and recognize the beauty and awe of you in your journey, always evolving, never done.

How are you relating to you success and failures?

Where to do you give your attention, your energy? 

What would be available if you celebrated your steps?

Your sleep is as unique as you are

Comparison to a norm gets you stuck

⁃ How is you relationship to your sleep?
⁃ What ideas do you have that are in the way of an harmonious sleep experience?
⁃ How often are you lying in your bed worrying not getting the rest you need and long for?

As in any other area in life, comparing yourself to a norm or an ideal gets you stuck and drains your energy and wellbeing.
Now is the time to color outside the lines under the moonlight!

  • How is you relationship to your sleep?
  • What ideas do you have that are in the way of an harmonious sleep experience?
  • How often are you lying in your bed worrying not getting the rest you need and long for?

As in any other area in life, comparing yourself to a norm or an ideal gets you stuck and drains your energy and wellbeing.

Now is the time to color outside the lines under the moonlight!

Comparison to a norm gets you stuck

Ruler of your own story

Believing that you should fall asleep right away, sleep without any moments of waking throughout the night and wake up clear and fresh, ready to jump into your day are affirmations that can poison your relationship to your sleep. I know, I’ve done that for a long time, experiencing difficulties to get asleep, waking up and feeling distressed, worrying that I wouldn’t get enough rest if I stayed awake any longer, and feeling tired in the morning, finding it difficult to feel good straight away, longing for that smile on my face as I entered a new day.

I was living in the story telling me THE way good sleep looks like. As my experience differed from that ideal and more and more tensions and unease built up, I was falling in the trap of unconsciously trying to fit into a norm that didn’t reflect my reality.

Unconsciously because I wasn’t aware that a good night sleep could also have as many varietions in form as there are human beings and expressions.

I discovered in a series of short lectures from Jennifer Piercy how I got myself trapped into a mold that didn’t correspond to how I’m naturally and perfectly built.

One big take away for me was hearing about the fact that the idea that night sleep is a one sleep period without awakening until the morning is in fact something that started with the industrial revolution when workers had to go to the factories at a specific time, while before that it was common to understand that we could have a first sleep period with a moment of waking followed by a second sleep period. That was an a-ha moment for me.

I recognized that sleep has it’s ebb and flow and that I didn’t need to monitor or manage those waves, just ease into them. Trusting the perfection and intelligence of my body.

Another golden nugget I got from that series, was about waking up in the morning.

Lately I got very aware of my state of being as I wake up as I was studying Abraham Hicks teachings and hearing how each morning was a new set point for our day.

Hearing the description of awakening as a transition period that is precious and need allowance to be slow instead of the the jump-bright-and-ready-instantly ideal opened a window of fresh air in my psyche. Seeing the slow awakening period as welcome, as a rich in between worlds period where creativity can emerge, and a reconnection with the self, observing what changed in me, allowing the foggy sensation just be was such a liberation, an acknowledgment of the goodness of the way I wake up.

Looking back, I can see how these beliefs around sleep and waking up have been a denial of my natural way, a violation of my own pace, a declaration of unworthiness as I didn’t meet this basic standard that should be there naturally. All this because I didn’t realize how conditioned I had been and that these models or ideals don’t reflect the reality and diversity of being human.

No wonder that this has been undermining my wellbeing: each time we believe that there’s something wrong with us, it undermines our self confidence and drains a lot of lifeforce out of us.

Connecting to nature’s rhythms

Another aspect that also fully resonates, is to reconnect to nature’s rhythms as the sun’s by getting direct sunlight in the morning and avoiding and minimizing artificial lights in the evening to let our natural internal clock calibrate and led us easier into harmonious sleep and wake time.

Radical acceptance – the pathway to self-love and well-being 

There are so many areas we carry beliefs and conditioning we don’t even realize we have. How we judge our sleep patterns is one. And here too, we need to remember that we are all unique and comparing ourselves to any norm or standard is the best way to get stuck.

So here too, I invite you to color outside the lines, discover your own natural way, trust the infinite intelligence of your body and be at peace with the way that is your own.

Be unapologetically you!


You can find Jennifer Piercy series “Your Guide to Deeper Sleep” on Insight Timer


⁃ What other areas in your life could be liberated of the norm?

⁃ How can you free yourself and expand your impact in the world?

Book a conversation with me or leave your comments! And share if you know someone who would benefit from this reading.

Lots of Love

Life is expansion

A reflection about the calling for more alignment and focus on what we want to grow and expand in our lives. A look at some Universal Laws.

A reflection about the calling for more alignment and focus on what we want to grow and expand in our lives. A look at some Universal Laws.

The Law of more Life

One of the Universal Laws is the “Law of More Life” – the ever expansion of the Universe, the ever expansion of our consciousness. This is the Law that is behind our inextinguible thirst for new experiences, for more of that we love.

We can look at nature to see the Universal Laws in action. Like the oak tree growing all its life, never asking himself if it should stop and be satisfied with the size he has, not growing through comparison to the others, but just growing because that’s what life is about.

The “Law of more Life” tells us that there will always be new territories to be discovered. If we set a goal to come at the top of the mountain, this mountain being the highest and most beautiful spot in life we know, once we come to the top and enjoy the place, we discover a new landscape we had no clue about, with new treasures we couldn’t figure out before, and naturally, as beautifully the mountain top we arrived to was, we want more, discover the new territory, up to the new limits we got aware of.

Photo from Pixabay

This tells us that we never are done, we never arrive. So all these things that we believe we will do then, when we have arrived, when we are done, will never happen if they are not an ingredients of the journey. When we understand that life is a journey and not a destination, we also understand that what we want to achieve we actually want to enjoy the journey itself and find the treasures we believe to find at the destination, find them in the journey.

More on the subject – Read « Have you lost your North Star 🌟 ? » from my blog and try out my guided experience. Read more….

About navigating towards your goals

How do you course correct?
From pain and dissatisfaction or from pleasure and gratitude?

There are two principles in Life that has long felt like an impossible paradoxe to me, meaning two things that don’t seem possible to exist at the same time.

One is:

⁃ What you resist persist

The other says:

⁃ What we focus on grows – or in other words:
– Energy flows where attention goes.

Where energy flows… (picture Pixabay)

« What we resist persists » tells tells us about the need to acknowledge what is. If we have a pain and deny its existence and push it away, it will stay. Because that pain is telling you something – about a need, an emotion.

It is about loving what is. When you tell someone you love her only if she changes – stops being so upset or stops making so much noise or have a different color – it will hurt because the only thing she need is being loved just as she is.

This is the same for any part of us. If you push a pain away, want it to disappear, change into another feeling that you prefer, it will just be there and shout even louder so that you hear it.

On the other hand we have « What we focus on grows ».

If I focus on the pain, the things that hurt, doesn’t function in my life, I will soon have my awareness filled with what I experience as negative and before long I will see more of all that I don’t want and don’t like, spending time and attention in describing and talking about all these pains, with a growing feeling of dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

So how do we navigate towards fulfillment, happiness or any of our goals?

If we want to go somewhere, we need to know where we are in relation to that place.

If you have a map showing you where your goal is, it won’t help you if you have no idea or pretend that you are anywhere else then where you are.

What will inform you about what is the right step for you to come to your goal is where you are now.

You cannot know if you need to go South, West or North if you don’t know your actual position in relation to the Goal.

If I want to join Paris and I’m in Stockholm, I will need to head South-West. If I’m in Madrid, I will need to head North-East. Opposite movements for the same destination.

The same is true if your goal is a feeling, it will depend on what you are dealing with now for you to reach your goal. What you need is different if you are experiencing grief than anger even if in both case you long for peace.

So we need to know and acknowledge what is, where we are now. And it’s not serving to dwell on it or try to push it away by wanting it to be different.

If you try to navigate from the pain, trying to fix it and change it – you will just see it persisting until you accept that this is here.

If you on the other hand can also see that there is already peace (or whatever is your goal or preference) in some places in yourself, in your life, your reality, you can focus on that, feel gratitude and thankful for that and acknowledge that this is what you want more of.

It’s like discovering that a door is closed and try to force it open. Instead of acknowledging that this door is closed and it feels and is as it is now and look around and see where is an opening.

Real threat or mental fear?

How to distinguish between real danger and fear induced by thoughts and take action that brings you back to solid ground.

In these times fear is high and amplified. Many of our fears are disconnected from an actual danger and are the result of the speculation of the mind trying to hold us safe and results instead in keeping us paralyze or going for actions that don’t serve the highest good of all.

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”

Marianne Williamson

How can we handle fear and get to clarity? Here are my reflections on that.

Fear is a call to focused attention and action.
When you feel fear and cannot point to what it relates, the feeling is calling for the question “What action should be taken?”
It’s a call to be in the present moment. It gives you the energy and focus needed to handle change. It asks you to pause and notice. When allowing yourself to be in that inquiry, clear answers will come.

“What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.”

Jiddu Krishnamurti

As I named it in the video, you might want to try out a meditation to take you back to the present moment and relax as no immediate danger is threatening you, so that you can come back to the parasympathetic nervous system that allows you to see and take care of the whole and allows your higher cognitive faculties to be available to you. When we are and stay in a state of fear, these are blocked and you act from the most primitive part of the brain.

16 min meditation “Panic and anxiety relief” by Andrea Watcher
(Insight Timer)

You can also try out these other techniques to come back to your body and be with your fear with the fear melters from Gay Hendricks.
Read my post on them here: “Melting fears into flow

How does it lands for you? Share your your reflections
And if you found this information relevant, share with whoever you feel could benefit from that.

Spread the love ❤️!

Further reading: “The Language of Emotion” by Karla McLaren

Have you lost your North Star?

Have you ever felt you’ve lost why you are doing things?

What really makes sense to you? What really gives you energy to get up in the morning and makes you excited to start a new day?

That’s what having a vision is for.

Maybe you already worked with your personal vision at some point in the past.

But you are evolving, changing all the time, having new experiences, learning, discovering new aspects, having new insights.

That’s what I got in contact with while doing my body painting practice one morning. Watch and listen to the words…

Time to Dream Again
To reconnect with my star
My North Star
The one 
That shines for me

To ask my heart
How does it look like
From the new vantage point
I’ve came to

I don’t recognize anymore
What I once dreamt
I’m unsure what it all means today
So it’s time to pause

Time to feel
And wonder
And let what’s true
Reach me again

(C) Olivia Florian – 2019

So even when you connected to your vision at some point you need to check in with it again. Review it. Feel into what’s really true now. Is your vision still aligned and lighting you up or are there elements that needs to be reframed so that it reflects the person you have become?

Or maybe you never really worked with an own vision and wonder what’s in it for you?

It’s really about coming out of survival mode and move into thriving mode.

Instead of continuing to do the things that you always have done and that have maintained you alive but that don’t work anymore for you to feel fulfilled.

A vision is a compass for navigating your life. Like the North Star 🌟 

It’s a reminder of what you are here for. Where you are going. It’s what makes your heart rejoice.

When you are in that place where you feel that nothing’s working, where joy eludes you, without a clear North Star, the risk is that you navigate life by trying to escape the pain, the unfulfilling job, the unsatisfying relationship.

The down side of motivation by rejection is that it stays strong only as long you are in the midst of what’s painful. As soon you have taken some step away, the discomfort is less intense and thus your motivation too.

More than that it does really give you a direction. When you want to avoid a situation, anything else will do. But what is it you really want?

On the other hand when you have a North Star, a clear identified desire, you have now a direction. And each step towards it strengthens your motivation. It acts like a magnet for you.

Outer change begins inside

And the magnet is really where your attention is going, on what you are focusing on. In the case of escaping a unpleasant situation, your thoughts and focus are on the situation, on that you don’t want. On the other hand, when you are focused on your North Star you are giving attention to your desire. Your thoughts are a creative force. That’s where all starts.

Connect to what you really love and want

A challenge can be to allow yourself to express your actual dream, what you really long for because your rational mind just tells you as soon as you start to express your dream that you have no idea on how to do that, that it’s too big, unrealistic.

When your dream is too far from your present life experience there are no evidence in sight that what you are wanting is in the realm of possibilities. You need a change of perspective to move towards your dream. If you see life as a static picture and just look at this present moment picture, it’s very probable that you won’t find what you are looking for in that picture. But if you see life as a process where the picture evolves all the time, revealing new aspects of life and yourself, the picture step by step, choice by choice, reveals more and you come closer to your dream.

Let go of “how”, start with “What”

When you start to explore your vision you need to listen to your heart, your soul, your higher self and see WHAT you desire and let the HOW come later when the picture is sufficiently clear and anchored, including your specific role in the whole picture that you depicted. 

If you let the HOW come too early, you will end up with at vision that doesn’t fulfill your soul or your heart and the motivation will just be short lasting and soon disappear.

The path is the goal

A trap that happens with vision is to consider it like a faraway dream, something we will eventually get to someday. But the only moment we are alive is Now. The past is gone and the future is just a infinite potential of possibilities or fear depending on the energy we come from.

Living goal oriented is like wanting to attain the top of a mountain. What we discover once we come there, is a new landscape we couldn’t see nor imagine before, new places to discover. A new mountain to climb. 

Another metaphor for life is to understand it as a dance. In a dance you’re not aiming to go from A to B. What matters is all that happens during the dance: the movements, the rhythms, the sensations, the experience of flow and harmony (or disruption and chaos ;).

So why having a vision and goals? To express ourselves, experience life, choose a life path according to our preferences and unique abilities. And be aware of the way you love to feel, prefer to feel, and choose what will give you now and later this feeling.

As only the present moment is real and no goal is ever the ultimate goal, by knowing your souls feelings – those state you actually want to live from, feel more often in your life, you can use them in the present to both fuel you and be your compass.

To discover the role of these feelings and get a taste of you own soul feelings, click here to play with me in a guided exercise to help you bring this to light.

Self-Love? What is the true me?

We might all have heard at some point that we need to love ourselves better and that’s what makes us able to love others and the world fully.

Self-love is what empowers us to face Life creatively instead of sticking us in the legs and loose our energy in destructive self-talk.

See through your beliefs and improve your loving self-talk

It’s so commun that we rely on others reflection of who we are. But this is only a reflection, depending on the person mirroring, like the moon sends back to us some light of the sun, but we don’t fully know the sun by looking at the moons reflection.
We can have some people who are able to see our beauty and reflect it to us.
But ultimately, what will empower us is to be able to see our own beauty ourselves, to go from external acceptance toward internal self-acceptance.
So we need direct observation of ourselves to see the true you.

And for me, for this direct observation of oneself to be fair, self-love is needed.

And one aspect of developing a self-love that goes beyond words, is to understand that we look at the world and ourselves through the lens of beliefs of how things are and work.

As an exemple, I’ll use my belief that things are as simple as the plan that we make, like the rational mind sees it.

From a rational view you could say:
1. There is a plant
2. Make a hole in the soil
3. Put the plant in the soil
4. Give some water
5. The plant blooms

Or in another situation:
1. Decide who to call
2. Pick up your phone
3. Have the conversation
4. Get an answer – get the job, the agreement… the result!

This belief has very disheartening effects. When I find myself not being able to fulfill the plan the inner voice says “But it’s so simple, and I haven’t even been able to do that. So what about more complex thinks!”

With such a self-talk, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. If I can’t handle “simple” stuff, how will I ever do anything of importance.

And this might be a belief strongly seeded as you grown up, by being met with impatience and dismissive expression when you didn’t know or managed to do things that your caregivers or other influent adults like school teachers perceive as something you should already know and master.

So later on, this beliefs pervades your perception of the world and of yourself. To be self loving, you need – in that example- to get aware of the “This should be easy”-lens you are looking at the world and yourself and question it. Is it really that simple? Are these simple logical steps all that is at play and necessary for the plant to bloom?
From this reality check, it’s possible to reply to the inner voice of “This is so simple” that if it was, I would already have done that. So obviously there is more to it.
And from there, instead of making myself wrong and doubting of my capacities and self worth, I can look at what more is at play and take care of that – find some help, information or support – whichever is relevant.

From Alana Fairchild “Sacred Rebels” oracle deck

So self-love is the voice who recognize the beliefs we collected through life, and know that there’s nothing wrong with you and that puts your energy in places that will support what you try to achieve instead of mining your self worth and undermine you.


How does it sound when you talk to yourself? What’s the pattern? Is it supportive and inviting for finding new ways? Or do you feel bitten down, drained and disempowered by your self-talk?

When you notice a thought that turns you down. Pause. Wonder. What’s true. Have a reality check.

To see through these beliefs that we usually don’t even know are at play can be tricky. There others you trust can help.

How can you show yourself self-love today and see more of your true self with love and compassion?

Share and comment! And reach out to trustworthy people for help and support.

Header picture by frankWinkler – Pixabay

Just before the light

I’m in the midst of a birthing process

The pain goes high, the pattern and dynamics at play repeat themselves to make me more and more clearly aware of what’s going on. The suffering increases for each instance. The discomfort is getting way out off my tolerance. It hurts so much. So I’m ready. Ready to learn, ready to meet, ready to love.

I made an appointment with my favorite reality reframer- a mentor coach – to help me midwifing and find a new perspective.

A new layer of my being is ready to be loved. An old story and belief is ready to be seen through new light. An old strategy is ready to be thanked for the service it has been earlier in my life. I’m ready to be let go of the old for a new story, a new reading, a reading that takes into account my growth and the resources I have today compared to where I was when the old strategy come in place.

It’s feels darker than anytime

Picture Pixabay – Illuvis

Although right now, in the midst of the emotional turmoil, it looks like a mess and really a bad place to be, I have the awareness that this is something good. That this is coming up powerfully because I’m ready to take care of this fragment of me, that has been forgotten and put into a dark room to protect me.

It hurts because I have outgrown this old strategy. It once helped, probably saved me, but it’s now far too small for me to continue where my love for Life guides me.

If you wonder why I’m speaking in so general terms, it’s just because the process is still ongoing and the clarity of what wants to transform isn’t here yet. I just have the clarity that this dramatical emotional turmoil that I would have judged earlier as a solid proof of my inadequacy and my inability of taking properly care of myself, that this is a sign of growth, a new aspect ready to be welcomed in love.

Touching the basic need of connection

The pattern playing out and that hurts these days is affecting my relationships and this affects me deeply as I so intensely feel my need and longing for nurturing loving connections. It goes in a spiral where I notice painfully how I retract from connections, seeing the dynamic repeating itself, with a feeling of being out of control, fearing to create more pain, more suffering, and above all fearing loosing the love of these people- some so dear to me.

As a gift in synchronicity with my needs, a friend drew my attention yesterday to a talk of Eckart Tolle who reminded me that suffering is the fuel for us to make the commitment to meet that which no longer serves us. Because as long as the discomfort is bearable, we avoid meeting the unknown and the pain. So life generously gives us exactly what we need for us to grow.

Picture: Pixabay – Glady

My purpose in writing this is to shine a light on these transformation processes we go through. To increase the understanding of these crisis. To awake your curiosity and compassion next time you find yourself in an emotional storm, where something seems unraveling and impossible to solve. To know that you are OK and that these moments are opportunities to meet aspects of yourself that are ready to be taken care of the person you have become.

I’m also sharing because this is a vulnerable place that we are taught to hide, concealed in shame, that need more light and courage to be exposed. So that we can learn from each other that we are good, that the messiness is not a sign of failure and unworthiness, but a part of a process from which more life, joy and freedom can emerge.

Please comment below, what arise in you after this reading? Insight? Questions? Something else?

With love and compassion.

PS: Here is the link if you feel curious about Eckart’s teaching:

Dissolving fear

During a walk in a rocky track in the archipelago, as I began to feel hesitant and contracted, evaluating how to take the next step and avoid risk for falling or hurting myself, I rediscovered this tools and had a deepened insight into it.

We all have automatic responses to life and in this case when it comes to fear. And as we go through life we also get aware that these automated responses don’t serve us so well anymore but are more a restriction to how we can really live our lives.

Do the opposite

So the first tool is noticing – the fear and my automatic response. And in the case of contraction, tightening that makes it difficult and hard to move. When I notice that, I can make a new choice and do the opposite of freezing and tighten, by choosing to move softly, fluidly, in another part of my body then the one engaged in the action eliciting fear. And by moving softly that way, my body receives the signal that it’s safe to move, and can go back to its own intelligence without interference of the mind and smoothly do the next step, with ease, in it’s own knowing.

Back to body intelligence

So next time you notice your body contracting in a situation, allow yourself to move softly, oozing and discover how your body moves you forward with a new freedom to action.

Related post: Melting fears into flow

  • What’s your experience?
  • Let me know and write here in the comments.
  • Have a smooth moving day 😉
  • The healing of being seen

    “The healing magic that happens on retreat, happens through letting ourselves be seen. […] parts of ourselves we get validated instead of violated. […] One layer at a time, let down the shields. ” Darla LeDoux

    That’s what I’ve experienced in the Circle Way of Medicine Story, the magic of being witnessed and loved in all our parts. And later I experienced this principle in the powerful transforming tools of Christian Pankhurt’s HeartIQ circles, where we are invited to expand our emotional range, discover our core goodness and own more and more of ourselves. These are some of my inspiration and tools for what I want to bring into this world.

    I invite you to listen to Darla’s podcast episode where she explains transformation to get a fooler understanding and normalise it, inclusive the scary messy aspects on the always evolving path of our lives.

    So what are YOU afraid to be judged for? And what would become available if you owned that aspect of yourself?

    What are you ready to come out with? Please share in the comments!

    A breakdown for a breakthrough

    About how commitment to your dreams and surrender takes you to the next level in your life.

    There are place in ourselves we wouldn’t choose to go willingly. Aspects of us we would do all we can to avoid showing them. Because we learned throughout life that these aspects were weaknesses, not acceptable, shameful. And unconsciously we do all we can to avoid needing feeling that again.

    And still, in these places is gold to be found.

    The power of the choice to show up in the unknown, surrendering to the moment and what is.

    At the end of the week of Embodied Speaking at New Eden (Holland), as a conclusion of our training we were invited to prepare and perform on stage a presentation speech of 4 minutes. 

    We were given the time over lunch to get prepared. I had quite a few ideas, but to extract the essence, it was clear that I needed more time. And I really felt the futility and counterproductivity to work hard to try to force my creativity. I know things need to be dropped a while to let the process continue in the background and complete it effortlessly when it’s ripe.

    So I first had to let go of the expectation to be able to articulate right now THE message that says all about my work and passion. I would have so loved to have an impactful, clear message I would be proud to publish to inform about what I want to serve. I realised that I had to accept what was ready to be expressed now in its imperfection.

    But even so, preparation time was over before I managed to formulate a coherent message with a visible red thread.

    The other participants began to perform their pieces. I was amazed how they one after the other could bring a strong beautiful content about their passion and what they want to bring to the world. As time passed, I was more and more aware that my turn would come and I still had no clue about how to present why I’m doing what I do. Distress grew in me to the point it was disturbing me and I needed to do something to let it move.

    As I didn’t want to interrupt my friends on stage and I no longer could focus on their performance, I chose to eject from the event room and meet my feelings outside.
    My tears running, someone came to me to hear what was going on for me.
    I expressed all my distress of not having a speech ready.

    After a while explaining to her why I couldn’t perform and feeling the familiar frustration of not feeling able to take my next steps in my heart centered business, I finally asked myself what was worse that could happen now: being on stage and being the only one who didn’t manage to come with a coherent content for her message? Or not going on stage and sit afterwards with the group in circle when we would celebrate that we all made this decisive courageous step toward speaking from our heart in an impactful form, however the performance went.

    Rather show up than hide anymore 

    At this point it was clear that the shame of being the one who is not being able to bring an coherent content was nothing compared to the feeling of misery of not having symbolically taken that step. I understood that I’d rather dropped any ambition to make it right and allowed myself to just come on stage without other ambition than showing up.

    So tears still running, I went back inside. Someone just finished his talk and the next person was called to go. To the questioning look at me, I decided that this was the time to go – my emotions were anyway unlikely to settle within the coming minutes.

    A deep breath, moving my body and feeling it, stepping on the stage, go and stand in the middle of the front of the stage and take in my audience. After a few eye contact, a wave of emotion swept over me. So I began to speak, presenting myself and naming my uncontrollable emotional state I face so often as the highly sensitive person I am. How it shuts down my logical left brain and although my emotions are there running I had this day chosen to show up anyway.

    I told my story of the gifts of having my logical rational minds qualities that were appreciated and encouraged since my childhood. How I became a Ms mechanical engineer, whose work and performance were appreciated. I was good and praised at my work but I always had to fight back these emotional waves outburst that were seen as inadequate weaknesses. And my slow pace to answer in the moment were considered as signs of incompetence- quick answers were king.

    As good I was at my engineering work, 8 years ago I remember how I was telling my best friend how I was doing my best at my work and still didn’t feel satisfaction and pride – only so drained. Her answer came like a slap in my face. ” Well it means that it’s not your best”. What was she saying? Then it became clear: I did my best as an engineer but this wasn’t the best I could do. I had something else to give.

    So from that point I have been in a quest to align myself with my truth, a self discovery journey where I learned different skills to support others to create and step into a life of deep satisfaction, purposeful, meaningful, where their very qualities, their essence find her expression.

    As I got tense while speaking, I invited myself to breathe together with the audience.

    I closed my speech by inviting people feeling that they don’t fully fit in and or feel stuck, not able to express their fullest self to take contact with me to explore what could help them.

    When I still stood there on stage, I could feel the joy of having done my speech despite my fear of exposing my emotions and not having a coherent message. At this point, I just enjoyed having dared to show up. And at the same time hearing my mind telling me “that’s all good, but why on earth would anyone be interested to hire me after seeing that, when showing myself so fragile with so strong and visible challenges- not having it all together? »

    Only when debriefing with some of my friends could I realised the positive impact of what of me had just shown up. 

    These tears I so feared to expose, all these authentic emotions served my message, guiding me to tell just what was relevant of my life story for the purpose I’m here to serve today. “It felt as if you planed your tears just to make the necessary impact ” was one of the comments. 

    I had just been shown by Life what a new paradigm leader can look like, in full coherence with who I actually am, without pretending of having it all fully under control.

    This dive in the unknown and surrendering to what is, gifted me with a clarity that had eluded me until this moment: I knew more now about who is the specific audience I’m here to serve: highly sensitive persons whose emotions and pace have been in the way of their full expression in life, and let them find their way toward the impact and change they long to gift our world with.

    Commitment to my purpose 

    Another gift that I have been given and reminded of through this experience was to witness that my commitment to show up to what I felt was most serving me gave me access to resources in myself to respond in real time to what is needed in the moment. And that my preparation didn’t need to be complete, meaning that I don’t need to know exactly what to say before hands. All the pieces can fall into place in real time.

    I experienced this again two days later. At the beginning of the week, I had committed to lead a body movement morning practice. And when time came, I just had had a very unsettling short night sleep. 

    By feeling into the fact that practicing my leadership was a step serving my purpose I wanted to take, and this was a beautiful opportunity, I could decide to be fully present and gently take care of my energy as it was before starting the session, trusting that I would find a flow. During the session, I witnessed how my intuition delivered in the moment ingredients I had wondered before how to integrate.

    And the feedback after the session was so good. I could gratefully see the progress of my loving command to guide others.

    Now it’s your turn!

    How can you use more commitment to your higher purpose and let go of the control habits and  surrender to your intuitive intelligence in your life?

    What are your experiences? 
    What can you do today that serves your growth?

    Tell me in the comments!
    Have a vibrant living day!