We might all have heard at some point that we need to love ourselves better and that’s what makes us able to love others and the world fully.
Self-love is what empowers us to face Life creatively instead of sticking us in the legs and loose our energy in destructive self-talk.
It’s so commun that we rely on others reflection of who we are. But this is only a reflection, depending on the person mirroring, like the moon sends back to us some light of the sun, but we don’t fully know the sun by looking at the moons reflection.
We can have some people who are able to see our beauty and reflect it to us.
But ultimately, what will empower us is to be able to see our own beauty ourselves, to go from external acceptance toward internal self-acceptance.
So we need direct observation of ourselves to see the true you.
And for me, for this direct observation of oneself to be fair, self-love is needed.
And one aspect of developing a self-love that goes beyond words, is to understand that we look at the world and ourselves through the lens of beliefs of how things are and work.
As an exemple, I’ll use my belief that things are as simple as the plan that we make, like the rational mind sees it.
From a rational view you could say:
1. There is a plant
2. Make a hole in the soil
3. Put the plant in the soil
4. Give some water
5. The plant blooms
Or in another situation:
1. Decide who to call
2. Pick up your phone
3. Have the conversation
4. Get an answer – get the job, the agreement… the result!
This belief has very disheartening effects. When I find myself not being able to fulfill the plan the inner voice says “But it’s so simple, and I haven’t even been able to do that. So what about more complex thinks!”
With such a self-talk, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. If I can’t handle “simple” stuff, how will I ever do anything of importance.
And this might be a belief strongly seeded as you grown up, by being met with impatience and dismissive expression when you didn’t know or managed to do things that your caregivers or other influent adults like school teachers perceive as something you should already know and master.
So later on, this beliefs pervades your perception of the world and of yourself. To be self loving, you need – in that example- to get aware of the “This should be easy”-lens you are looking at the world and yourself and question it. Is it really that simple? Are these simple logical steps all that is at play and necessary for the plant to bloom?
From this reality check, it’s possible to reply to the inner voice of “This is so simple” that if it was, I would already have done that. So obviously there is more to it.
And from there, instead of making myself wrong and doubting of my capacities and self worth, I can look at what more is at play and take care of that – find some help, information or support – whichever is relevant.
So self-love is the voice who recognize the beliefs we collected through life, and know that there’s nothing wrong with you and that puts your energy in places that will support what you try to achieve instead of mining your self worth and undermine you.
How does it sound when you talk to yourself? What’s the pattern? Is it supportive and inviting for finding new ways? Or do you feel bitten down, drained and disempowered by your self-talk?
When you notice a thought that turns you down. Pause. Wonder. What’s true. Have a reality check.
To see through these beliefs that we usually don’t even know are at play can be tricky. There others you trust can help.
How can you show yourself self-love today and see more of your true self with love and compassion?
Share and comment! And reach out to trustworthy people for help and support.
Header picture by frankWinkler – Pixabay