I’m in the midst of a birthing process
The pain goes high, the pattern and dynamics at play repeat themselves to make me more and more clearly aware of what’s going on. The suffering increases for each instance. The discomfort is getting way out off my tolerance. It hurts so much. So I’m ready. Ready to learn, ready to meet, ready to love.
I made an appointment with my favorite reality reframer- a mentor coach – to help me midwifing and find a new perspective.
A new layer of my being is ready to be loved. An old story and belief is ready to be seen through new light. An old strategy is ready to be thanked for the service it has been earlier in my life. I’m ready to be let go of the old for a new story, a new reading, a reading that takes into account my growth and the resources I have today compared to where I was when the old strategy come in place.
It’s feels darker than anytime
Although right now, in the midst of the emotional turmoil, it looks like a mess and really a bad place to be, I have the awareness that this is something good. That this is coming up powerfully because I’m ready to take care of this fragment of me, that has been forgotten and put into a dark room to protect me.
It hurts because I have outgrown this old strategy. It once helped, probably saved me, but it’s now far too small for me to continue where my love for Life guides me.
If you wonder why I’m speaking in so general terms, it’s just because the process is still ongoing and the clarity of what wants to transform isn’t here yet. I just have the clarity that this dramatical emotional turmoil that I would have judged earlier as a solid proof of my inadequacy and my inability of taking properly care of myself, that this is a sign of growth, a new aspect ready to be welcomed in love.
Touching the basic need of connection
The pattern playing out and that hurts these days is affecting my relationships and this affects me deeply as I so intensely feel my need and longing for nurturing loving connections. It goes in a spiral where I notice painfully how I retract from connections, seeing the dynamic repeating itself, with a feeling of being out of control, fearing to create more pain, more suffering, and above all fearing loosing the love of these people- some so dear to me.
As a gift in synchronicity with my needs, a friend drew my attention yesterday to a talk of Eckart Tolle who reminded me that suffering is the fuel for us to make the commitment to meet that which no longer serves us. Because as long as the discomfort is bearable, we avoid meeting the unknown and the pain. So life generously gives us exactly what we need for us to grow.
My purpose in writing this is to shine a light on these transformation processes we go through. To increase the understanding of these crisis. To awake your curiosity and compassion next time you find yourself in an emotional storm, where something seems unraveling and impossible to solve. To know that you are OK and that these moments are opportunities to meet aspects of yourself that are ready to be taken care of the person you have become.
I’m also sharing because this is a vulnerable place that we are taught to hide, concealed in shame, that need more light and courage to be exposed. So that we can learn from each other that we are good, that the messiness is not a sign of failure and unworthiness, but a part of a process from which more life, joy and freedom can emerge.
Please comment below, what arise in you after this reading? Insight? Questions? Something else?
With love and compassion.
PS: Here is the link if you feel curious about Eckart’s teaching: